Friday, October 29, 2010

Things Aren't Always How We Picture Them

I requested to work the early shift Wednesday morning, so I could take Jelly out at night for our 5 month anniversary. I got home, showered, shaved, put on my dress pants, and black dress shirt with a red tie. Grabbing the single rose off my dresser, I was about to head out the door when my mother abruptly stopped me.
"Where are you going looking all spiffy?" she questioned.
"I'm taking Jelly out for our 5 month anniversary mom." I said, moving closer towards the door.
"People still celebrate monthiversaries?" she asked.
"I like to have reasons to show the woman I love that I love her." I stated.
"Okay.... I'm coming with you." She turned towards the stairs before I even had the chance to argue.
"What?" I was almost shouting.
"I want to meet this girl that you claim to love so much." she explained while climbing the stairs to go change into something more appropriate for the evening.... I hoped.
Ten minutes turned into twenty...then thirty...then forty until I had to call Jelly and explain to her the unfortunate situation that caused me to be an hour late to her house.
Mom insisted on driving -.- I knocked on Jels door, but she didn't answer, her father did... and he was wearing a suit. I felt the puzzled look that then took over my face. He stepped past me and headed to the car. I suppose he and my mother acquainted themselves, I was too bust trying to figure out what the hell our date was turning in to. Jels appeared in the doorway wearing a stunning beautiful short red dress that matched my tie perfectly. "By the way.." she whispered, "Daddy's coming." She smiled widely.
"So I noticed." I replied.
"That's not the worst part..." Jels added.
What could be worse than Jelly's successful, awesome, smart father meeting my impractical, hard headed mother? Just then, Grandma Winston emerged through the doorway in what I'm sure was made to be worn by a woman in her early thirties.
"Hello handsome." she said passing me on her way to the car.
I turned slowly to Jelly, "Are you shitting me right now?"
"It's okay, I'll protect you." she winked teasingly, then softly leaving a kiss on my lips.
"You're sitting in the middle." I stated while we squeezed in the back seat with grandma Winston.
I had to informally call the restaurant and change our reservation from two people, to five. As we approached the table, I heard my mother behind me complimenting Jelly.
"Angelica you are too pretty." she said.
"Thank you Ms. Ryder." Jelly answered.
My mom then began to laugh, "Please call me Emili."
I pulled the chair out for Jelly, and then sat down next to her. Things were a little quiet at first while everyone studied their menus... and while grandma Winston grazed her foot up and down my leg under the table. The waitress finally took our order, and thats when the conversation started to pick up...
"So," my mother started, "You two have been together for five months?... Is it serious?"
Of all the time to start acting like a mom, why did she choose now?
"Oh they are," Grandma Winston piped up, "he pleases her, I know, I only sleep across the hall."
My tea almost spewed from my mouth as I coincidentally took a drink at the same time she made that statement.
"They're together about four out of seven nights of the week... and they're not quiet about it either." she added.
I recovered the nerve to glance up at my mother, who was looking at me curiously.
"What?" she said surprised. "Dimitri's never gone that far with a girl..."
I blushed while the stories of my love life got thrown around the dinner table.
Grandma Winston laughed... loudly. "Oh, trust me honey, they do it all the time."
My mother had a look of surprise on her face. "Hmm.." was all she managed in reply. Then there was an awkward moment of silence, then Grandma Winston leaned over to my mother, "I think you could quite possibly soon be a grandmother." she whispered unsuccessfully. My mom met my eyes with a suspicious smile on her face. "Really?"
"Can we please stop discussing our love life," I motioned to Jelly and myself, "at the dinner table please?"
"I'm just surprised is all." My mother added. She then turned to Jelly's dad, who was successfully avoiding the conversation till now.
"What do you think about all this?" She asked him.
"Well," he sat up a little straighter and thought for a moment, "I....well.... I'm okay with Jelly being with someone who treats her well," he was trying his best not to make the conversation any more awkward, if that were indeed possible. "If he truly loves her...and she loves him...well," he shrugged, "honestly, if they weren't doing that, I'd be a little concerned about what they were doing with all the time they spend together."
I glanced over at Jelly who then leaned over to whisper something to me, "I think my dad just gave us permission to have sex."
We both kind of laughed. Not that his disapproval would have stopped us ;)
The rest of dinner was filled with my mother's life story, which she so often loved to tell, taking every chance possible to be the center of attention, but I didn't care, at least the attention was off of Jels and I.
Dinner finally ended. We pulled up to Jelly's house and her father and grandmother stepped out of the car.
"How about Jelly stay the night Dimitri?" my mother suggested. I was afraid to know what she was secretly plotting in her head.
After getting home, we changed out of our dress clothes in to something more comfortable.
Sitting on the couch downstairs, I watched as my mom flipped through the TV channels. Somewhere in between ABC Family and HBO, she glanced over and saw Jelly's tattoo on her wrist.
"Oh my god!" she said, almost shouting. "Are you a Duran Duran fan?" she asked.
I knew what was coming... I dreaded what was coming.
"Yeah, I'm a little obsessed." Jelly admitted.
After listening to them talk about Duran Duran for two hours, I escaped upstairs to bed. It wasn't much longer, when I felt someone slip in to bed beside me. I pulled Jels closer to me, my arm slipping around her.
"Have a nice talk with mom?" I sarcastically asked.
"Yeah, we're getting matching Duran Duran shirts and front row seats to the next concert together."
I couldn't exactly tell if she was serious or kidding. Though I wouldn't doubt if she was being honest.
I moaned. "Why don't you just put me out of my misery and kill me now?" I pleaded.
She smiled. "Because then I couldn't do things like this..." her lips passionately met mine. I paused for a moment, then broke out in to an extreme tickle tantrum that later led to... well... other things.

11 comments:

Angela Shepard said...

Sounds interesting..

Elena Ryder said...

Exactly why cory and i left to go to the lake house :D Hoped u had fun:d

Angelica Winston said...

Sigh. No topic is off limits when Grandma is around. Oh and GO DURANIES!!!! :D

Dally Winston said...

Hahahahaha that's musta sucked. And also I find it funny how my grandma says "I mght even be a grandma soon" when we r her grandchildren and blaze is her great grandchild hahaha jeez

Dimitri Ryder said...

She was talking about my mom being a grandmother smartie pants. :p

Dally Winston said...

ur mom is a grandma tho

Kitty Curtis said...

And I thought MY family was messed up. You know, a family dinner like this might be something worth looking forward to. What about the next one is at my house? Yeah! Next Tuesday night baby!!!

And I loved how Jell-O's dad practically gave you guys permission to fuck, my mom would've killed me. She already had to deal with a slutty son, coughSodacough... coughPonytoocough.

Jenna said...

I always get werided out when I hear about Granda Winston...Until I remember who her grandson is, then it all makes since

Dally Winston said...

haha fuck you

Sodapop Curtis said...

LMAO blair, ur quite the comedian this week XD
KIT!!!! IM NOT A SLUT :p

Dimitri Ryder said...

yeah dal but ur grandmother doesnt know that